I’ve written this several different times, I cant seem to find the right words to put down but I’m just going to wing it at this point. The words are probably still going to be wrong but here goes nothing. Earlier I was talking to my girlfriend and things kind of took a turn. She went out and saw someone she absolutely hates for her own personal reasons that I wont get into. It made me think though, she’s a strong individual who I love with all my being but I’m not as strong. I was hurt for years. I was taken advantage of when my parents had a rough patch in their marriage. I was molested by a man I never thought would hurt me.
He hurt me in a way that a little girl should never be hurt. I lost everything the first night it happened. I remember it so vividly. His hands were freezing cold, he never cared or had any remorse for what he did while he was doing it. He felt remorse when he got called out. When it happened I was in a rough spot, my family was in a rough spot. We didn’t know how much longer my parents were even going to be together. We wanted to be a happy family. He made me feel safe and he made me remember that nothing that happened with my parents was my fault. He even got close with my mom to make me feel better. He payed more attention to me than he did his own kid.
This obviously isn’t something that’s easy to talk about, I know what kind of attention this whole thing will get but the thing that I’m the most worried about is me finally getting back to normal. So to the man that hurt me, I’m doing better not 100% yet but better. I’m not worried about what’s gonna happen if I get my story out there. People need to know that what happened doesn’t make me feel any less important. Yes, I felt absolutely disgusting and couldn’t sit in the shower long enough, people told me to get over it.. they told me it “wasn’t like I was raped or anything”. I never knew if it was going to get to that point but you know what? I don’t appreciate you for what you did like other people might, I appreciate that I made it through it. You’re a monster and I don’t regret saying that. People like you don’t change.
I don’t wake up screaming and crying anymore. I still hurt, I hurt because your daughter hurt me just as bad as you did. You made me stay up for hours wondering if I’ll ever be able to live my life the same. Wondering if people knew what happened and could see right through me. Wondering if I was ever going to be able to trust another male. The answer to that last one is no. I can’t trust men, I’m working on it. I can’t be around a grown man for more that a minute or else I have a panic attack. People know that I was hurt. They know, you know, and I know. Nobody is safe from you, I hope one day they take you down for what you did. You don’t deserve a single thing you have. I hope you rot.
You took everything, and you’re not sorry for it.